Worry About Yourself, Tonight!!

If you know me (us) you will know we have a child who was diagnosed with ADHD.  You can read more about our walk, in these other blog postings:

One very full testimony! One of the biggest in my life!

 A mother of a child with ADHD

 In the first one I posted listed above I told how she was healed!!!  We have our days, but I will not say she has ADHD.  This week has been such a hard week.. I have had it up to here with your behavior, as I have said a lot this week.. But... tonight as I thought I would come to the internet to find fix my child ideas.. God slapped me in the face.. My child is healed.. it is ME.... 

But...... I have to repeat myself everyday with the same things that come out of my mouth... No, you can not ride around the block on your bike. No, you can not eat before bed. No, you can not watch that.  NO, NO, NO.... Clean your room, put up your clothes, pick up your shoes.. DON'T TRY TO RE-ORGANIZE, JUST PICK IT UP... Every day she comes running in ready to go to the hospital with some injury that most would just jump back up and run with. So my nerves have been stretched.

The past two week have been VERY hard for me emotionally and spiritually, dealing with adult life.  So for me to sit here and wonder what is wrong with my child, when she has been healed and has been doing great since the night she was healed is just heart breaking for me as a momma.  But so happy God spoke to me tonight and said "April, I healed her.  You need to take a look at your behavior this week and take the blame here." Ouch... 

Tonight she asked me to come pray with her before bed. I did.  She asked that God would let her learn to be nice to others. (sniff, sniff..) I do not think I even thought of such a prayer at 9 years old.  I am so proud of who she is becoming!  I love her so much!  She is going to be a great woman of God!  Both of my girls are!  My most special times when I was a kid was praying with my Momma.. I hold those memories to heart and love it today when I call and there she is to pray with me.  

I never want my girls to feel less than.. and somehow tonight I feel I am pointing fingers to that myself.  So instead of fix my child, it is fix me God!!  Good people come from Good Momma's!! Get your self together, April........

3 John 4:1 I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth. 

 Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.” 

A prayer I found and Love:

  

Most loving Father, the example of parenthood, teach me what to give
and what to withhold. Show me when to reprove and when to praise.
Make me gentle and considerate yet firm and watchful.
Keep me from weak indulgence, or from great severity.
Give me the courage to be disliked sometimes by our children,
when I/we must do necessary things which are displeasing to their eyes.
Give us the imagination to enter into their world
in order to understand and guide them.
Give us all the virtues we need to lead them by word and example
in the path of righteousness. Amen.

Blame Game

Job 1:9-12 Satan replied, Would Job worship you if he got nothing out of it? You have always protected him and his family and everything he owns. You bless everything he does, and you have given him enough cattle to fill the whole country. But now suppose you take away everything he has—he will curse you to your face! All right, the Lord said to Satan, everything he has is in your power, but you must not hurt Job himself. So Satan left.

July of 2011 was the first time I have felt like Job.  I am sure if I knew of the story when I was a teen I would of felt it then too.. I remember sitting in the living room reading this book with sadness, with that get sick cry.  Since then I have pushed this book away.. I didn't want anything to do with it.  Nope, I wanted to be Moses, I was not Job.  I was not going to let my emotions hold me down.. Well, during my studies this man kept showing up.. huhhh leave me alone!!!  So a couple of months ago my FB bible group (Soul Sisters on our SOAP boxes) started it up again.. I thought Ok, I am going to do this!!  As I started to read the sadness hit me within the first verse I had read.. I really was struggling trying to read chapter 6, the get sick cry was back.  My kids thought I was dieing because I am holding my Bible and crying like a baby. I wanted to scream. So guess what I put it down and didn't look at that book in the Bible again.  Until, bam there it was in my study before Church yesterday... But this time it was at the end of the book!! Much more exciting and happy!


Job 42:12 The LORD blessed the last part of Job's life even more than he had blessed the first. Job owned fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, two thousand head of cattle, and one thousand donkeys. He was the father of seven sons and three daughters. 

This week I have been struggling with "Did God allow this to happen to our family?"  "Is it Satan and if so where is God?" Why, Why, Why???? With anger might I add.  I was hurt, God is supposed to be so great, yes there will be test, but DO YOU SEE US?  I was so mad.. So I fumed with the questions of the faithful-less all day.  I DO NOT WANT TO BE A PERSON WITHOUT FAITH AND BELIEF... NEVER... It was like salt on my wounds to hear "In God's time", "Be still", "God is in control", "God is teaching you something", "What are you learning?", Learning? I felt I was falling.. I was giving up.. Going to file bankruptcy and hope someone would lease to own a home for our family.. With all hope stolen from me that night I set on my Momma's front porch alone, God and I had a talk.. I begged for forgiveness for being so angry at Him.  I screamed at Satan, I screamed at the house still on the market, I screamed at God..

This morning as I dropped Kayla off at School she walked all the way to the door then turned to see if I was still there and smiled and waved!  I got tears.. How many times have I been rushed by the line of cars behind me and just went on, the moment she hit the school grass?? How many times has she looked back and I wasn't there to wave that wave and see that smile??  This is how I have felt all week.. Like DO YOU SEE US?  He SEE'S US.. HE FEEL'S US!! But by my distractions and hardened heart I am not letting Him fully feel me..  I do feel His presence.  I try to thank Him for lots of things through out my days.. I am always saying Thank you God for this and that.. But what have I done with this and that? Does He feel the 100% me? The sermon yesterday was about His presence not being about us.. IT IS ABOUT DOES HE FEEL YOUR PRESENCE..  If you don't feel Him than I am sure it is because He don't FEEL you.  I am going to be more alert and not be detracted or hardened so that I am sure HE FEELS ME!  I want to see His wave!

Satan, STAY BEHIND ME AND MY FAMILY....

I have to look at my past as great, just as I do with the things I have overcame.. <---- That is the best blessing God could give me!! I can not live as if today or even 5 minutes ago was awful.  I have to set my anger free, so that I will be free.  I have to ask for forgiveness and live for the RIGHT NOW!! I can not be bitter to my husband and kids because of the things I feel is attacking us.  Is God allowing this stuff to happen to us, good or bad?  I don't really care anymore who is to blame.  But I will not fall.. My name is April and I am about all things new, not old or dead!

It is time, or getting time, for our family to have our fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, two thousand head of cattle, and one thousand donkeys. He was the father of seven sons and three daughters.!!!  I have to have faith and believe!  There is nothing else to do!  Without God we really are nothing.. I have never lost my WANT to worship and praise Him.  I have had my bad emotional days, this past week even my doubts.  But I will not stop praising Him.. I hold that very close!

God is not playing a game, He wants us to find Him with everything in us.  I will tune in for forgiveness and remember that His Grace is enough!  (Graig Groeschel)  I will keep on keeping on! But there is going to be no blame here.. reminds me of the game my girls play and it drives me crazy... I am sure God is feeling a little crazy looking at me too!! :)

My favorite Pinterest Homemade Household Items!!

 Because of Pinterest, I am addicted in trying all these homemade household items.. Here are some I have made and love!! The last two are what I will be making tomorrow! I will let you know what I think after I have used them!! 

SPOT REMOVER: For clothes and carpet!! Also read it is a great shower cleaner. I haven't tried it but will soon!!I found this and tried it for carpet spots and I will never buy spot remover again!! I am on my second batch now! 

1 Cup Dish Washing Liquid, (I used the Gain brand)

2 Cups Hydrogen Peroxide 

I Mixed the two into a empty spray bottle filled the rest with water. The recipe I got this from did not add water, but with me doing this the spots still have came up every time!!

http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2011/11/goodbye-to-yellow-armpit-stains.html

Homemade Febreze:

I am also on my second batch of this stuff too!! I LOVE IT!!! So much cheaper that the real stuff, but the same effect! 

• 2 cups warm water
• 1/4 cup liquid fabric softener
• 1 tsp. baking soda

 Simply mix these three ingredients together in a spray bottle, shake well!

 http://www.homemademamas.net/2011/07/febrezefor-less.html

Finger Nail Whitener: 

   1 Tbs Peroxide 

      2 Tbs Baking Soda

 Let this paste sit on your nails for 5 minutes! 

 

Homemade Carpet Powder: 

Mix baking soda & several drops of any flavored essential oil together in a bowl using a whisk.  Then, spoon the mixture into a empty Parmesan cheese container, or some other shaker. Sprinkle onto your carpets - let it sit for about 15 minutes, then vacuum up.

 http://www.mrshappyhomemaker.com/2011/07/homemade-carpet-powder.html

  

Powdered Laundry Detergent:

• 1 - 12 oz. box borax
• 1 - 7 oz. box arm & hammer supper washing soda
• 1 - 3 lb. Container of OxyClean
• 2 - 14.1 oz bars of Zote soap
• 1 - 4 lb. box of Arm & Hammer Soda
• 1 - 2 bottles (55 oz.) Purex Chrystal Fabric softener

-Grate soap or break into pieces and process in a food processor until powdered. Mix all ingredients. For light load, use 1 Tablespoon. For heavy or heavily soiled load, use 2 Tablespoons.

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda". Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!!

TIPS FOR LAUNDRY SOAP: We use Zote bar soap in the homemade soap recipes, but you can use Ivory, Sunlight, Kirk's Hardwater Castile bars. Don't use heavily perfumed soaps. Washing Soda and Borax can often be found on the laundry or cleaning aisle.

Grout Cleaner:

• 1 Tbl Borax

• 2 Tbl baking soda

• 1 Tbl water 

 Scrub the paste into the tile grout using a toothbrush to remove the dirt.  Wipe clean with water.

  I did a cup at a time, like one cup Borax, 2 cup baking soda and 1 Cup water!!


All-Purpose Cleaner (Kitchen Cleaner):

• 5 oz. Rubbing Alcohol
• 3 oz. white vinegar
• 1 tsp. Laundry Detergent
• 1 tsp White Ammonia
• 2 Drops Essential oil

Fill rest with water 

Homemade Dusting Spray (LOVE):

  

• 2 tsp olive oil
• 1/2 tsp lemon essential oil (or lemon juice)
• 1/4 C. White distilled vinegar (disinfects)
• 1 3/4 C. of water

Shack bottle well! ( I love this stuff, it works so much better than Pledge.) 

Bleach Cleaner (shower):

•  2 oz. of bleach
• 1 tsp. Laundry Detergent

Fill the remaining space with water!

  
Bathroom Counter Cleaner:

•  12 oz. White Vinegar
• 12 oz. of Dawn Dish Soap
• 1 tsp. of Laundry Detergent.

This smells soooo good! Aslo a good shower cleaner!

Home ALONE!

Click to hear: Steven Curtis Chapman-Do Everything (song) 

Luke 5:16 “..but Jesus often slipped away to be alone so he could pray.”

 When Jesus was in the desert for 40 days, He ate nothing... he was hungry, and tempted by the Devil.  The Devil said "tell this stone to become bread." Jesus said "Man can not live on bread alone." The Devil said "If you worship me you can become the King of all Kingdoms." The Devil tested Jesus asking Him "If you are the son of God..." Jesus knew to not test God.  He knew the Spirit of the Lord was upon Him!  Jesus went on his way and was rejected in Nazareth.  He went on spoke a evil spirit out of a man. He healed many people. He preached the good news! He made disciples out of Simon and his partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee. Jesus said to Simon, after he had listened to him about how and where to fish,  "Don't be afraid; from now on you will be catching people." Jesus went on and healed another man of a skin disease. He wanted no glory for it.  He told the man "Don't tell anyone, but go get examined and show everyone".  Jesus did what next?? He did not stand on a hill side, showing his gratefulness as everyone started gathering to see this healer.  He left and went somewhere ALONE to pray!!

Today I am HOME ALONE!! Last week I thought YES!!! I can get things done, with Kelley at work and the girls off to school!! Well I have spent two hours, just me and God!! And the cats and dog of course!! I realized, I AM NEVER ALONE!! And I am so happy for that!!  People say that all the time, I have heard it all my life.  When I want ALONE time, I get it and.... I am wrapped up in His word to much to want to do anything!! :)  God has called me to be a Wife and a Mother.. That was my dream from when I was a child! I wanted to be married and have two kids.. well guess what?? To no surprise that is what He gave me!  I also wanted to live on a farm.. have cows in my back yard, little picked fenced porch,  a garden, trees everywhere..  (Still could happen, we have no strings tying us down to anything material, God has shown us that He is in control!)  What would I do if I did not have God during my ALONE times?  I would be a mess in stress, such as "No one helps me keep this house clean, why do I always have to do laundry, why can't someone else cook, why O' why????"  I have complained A LOT about those stupid little things before in the past. But this morning, my eyes have been opened to, if I do not start the day off with my ALONE time in prayer, I will ask WHY O' WHY all the time.. How miserable is that?  Very!! I am to do EVERYTHING I do unto the GLORY of the Lord!!

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly as though you were working for your real master and not merely for humans.
This is mine!!! Get your own.. haha!! This scripture hit me hard this morning!! 

Jesus did good things and still does, how?  I don't think that it was just because he was the chosen one, it was because we are all created in Him.. Jesus was faithful and He spent His time in prayer and wanted God to be glorified! WE can all do good things!!!

  Matthew 14:13-14
“When Jesus heard what had happened to John, he left in a boat and went to a lonely place by himself. But the crowds heard about it and followed him on foot from the towns. When he arrived, he saw a great crowd waiting. He felt sorry for them and healed those who were sick.” 

Each morning the girls and I pray in the car before school.  I love it!  That is one of my very favorite times of my day!  This morning after I dropped them off, all of this hit me.. Nothing like driving home and getting hit in the face over and over.. I was able to stay focused on the road, but do not remember any driving!! :)  I must tell our girls how important it is to start each day with this.. I want it to become a habit for them, with them never over looking it.  I want to show them how Jesus always prayed.. How important for us all to have our ALONE time to do such a thing.  My Momma always prayed.. We were taught to pray.. Praise him and ask for forgiveness! Always!!  Still as adults, we have a praise or trouble we call Momma!!  I want my girls to live that! To know that whatever comes their way in life, that the Spirit of the Lord is upon them, always!!! To be faithful enough to know temptation and to never test God! To always "walk by faith, and not by site!" And to always, always give Him the Glory!!

So I can thank Him this morning for my so called ALONE time as He called me closer to Him! I am never ALONE, this I know!! He loves me for always!  I was made to be a wife and a momma!  Any time before that is with Him!!  Love you!

BLOOM and grow!

Lord of all the earth
We shout Your Name, shout Your Name
Filling up the skies
With endless praise, endless praise
Yahweh, Yahweh
We love to shout Your Name, Oh Lord

There is no one like our God
We will praise You, praise You
There's no one like our God
We will sing, we will sing (X2)
There is no one like our God
We will praise You, praise You
Jesus, You are God, we will say

 Psalms 149:3

 ³ Praise his name with dancing;
      play drums and harps in praise of him.

Music is just a gift and the most spiritual drawing thing to me.  Just the other day I heard a song on the radio and it put me right back into the place I was when the song was a hit.  I had the same feelings come back to me when I heard it, as the day I use to listen to it.  When I hear Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me", it takes me back to singing into a hair brush with my Momma at 15 years old! :) The Dixie Chicks? When Kelley and I first started dating! "The Old Rugged Cross", singing in Church as a little girl! 

Music is one of God's special gifts He gives! This morning I heard "At Your Name", tears feel as it took me back to one, being back in Texas worshiping with our Church family at Trinity Fellowship and two, it took me back to the day we pulled out of Pampa, moving to Oklahoma.  Chelsea and I were following the U haul, so for miles all we seen was RENT ME $29.99 (yeah, right)! This song came on and I started crying so heavy, Chelsea kept asking me if I was ok.  I kept telling her yes, God is just so darn awesome, but the tears kept flowing.. And she could feel the joy and tears started flowing down her face, as we both just screamed YAHWEH, YAHWEH!  We had been in prayer for this move for the past 8 months, with the dream for the past couple of years and it was happening, not knowing where we were really going, what we were going to do, just following what God had opened up, and this song said it all! There is no one like our God We will praise You! With endless praise, endless praise Yahweh, Yahweh We love to shout Your Name, Oh Lord! God was doing it!  It was out of our hands and we were on the road!  We gave the dream of moving to God months before, like in February 2011 when we found out Kelley could possible lose his job in July.  So onto the next step in life where God wanted us to go. 

I went on a Walk to Emmaus in 2005 and parts of one of the songs of blessings read this:
Thank you God, for this day,
Bless all those who greet it.
May your love glow with peace,
May your love go forth from us.
Friendship and peace may they bloom and grow,
Bloom and grow forever.
Bless our friends, bless our work
Bless each of us forever. 
This song takes me back to swaying back and forth and yelling BLOOM!! :)  

Today the sun is shinning, I just heard a goose coming from behind my house, I am ready to plant new flowers, I put weed and feed out on the lawn last night!! This reminds me to BLOOM AND GROW! Bloom where I am planted!  

1 Corinthians 3:7
 ⁷ The one who plants and the one who waters really do not matter. It is God who matters, because he makes the plant grow.

  Just like this picture of this Rose Moss, that I am planting today by the way..  It is called Grandma's flower to me!  My grandma always had a big barrel filled with rose moss at her door.  I make sure and have some each year!  This seed planted it's self in a bed of bricks!! But God knows it's beauty and made it to grow! That is what He intended to do with this flower, make it grow anywhere, just like He did us!  This morning I pray God lets my light shine, so I can BLOOM AND GROW! I give Him praise for His gift of music to speak to my soul on a daily bases! 


"Create in me a clean heart, O God;
and renew a right spirit within me."   Psalm 51:10

  God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

The Power of Blessings

Act. 27:21-25 
 ^21-22With our appetite for both food and life long gone, Paul took his place in our midst and said, "Friends, you really should have listened to me back in Crete. We could have avoided all this trouble and trial. But there's no need to dwell on that now. From now on, things are looking up! I can assure you that they'll not be a single drowning among us, although I can't say as much for the ship—the ship itself is doomed.
 ^23-26"Last night God's angel stood at my side, an angel of this God I serve, saying to me, 'Don't give up, Paul. You're going to stand before Caesar yet—and everyone sailing with you is also going to make it.' So, dear friends, take heart. I believe God will do exactly what he told me. But we're going to shipwreck on some island or other."


Paul knew God was with him.   We have been encouraged knowing that we do not know how long the storm will take, but that God is with us!  Paul knew he belonged to God.  Every day I remind myself that I belong to God as a baby to a daddy, as a wife to a groom, as a sheep to a Shepherd.  God knows you will make it, He is not frustrated in you.  He isn't doubting you. God is not worried.  IF GOD ISN'T, THAN NEITHER SHOULD YOU!! 

In Act. 27:25 Paul says " I believe God will do exactly what he told me."  He has trust in God, he didn't know when or how, but he knew God did!  I keep reminding myself of this.  Yesterday, God sent HOPE to us, more than we have received in a while.  Why now?  Why so long?  Because to me letting go and letting God has been my biggest struggle.   I have let go! We have tried to figure out things for the past 3 months, those things we gave to God a few weeks ago.  There just isn't away for us to take care of those problems.. There isn't.. We have never relied on God with such big things in our life. Shame on us.  To me it seems lazy and careless for someone to say I am not worried, God is taking care of us.  I have heard people say that and been like WHAT?? Crazy people, you have to help yourself!! Well I am learning you can't help yourself other than the way you handle it.  Nothing I can do can help us in the mess we are in.. NOTHING.. I can help it, but I can't fix it.  Neither can Kelley.  I am telling you living one day at a time has changed my life!  Like a homeless man who is just living for today, so am I.  This is where I feel the word judged.. why? Because I have judged those who have FROG (Fully Relied On God).  I ask for forgiveness this morning as I am embarrassed of how I have reacted to others in my life.  I thank God for those people He has put in my life now, as I look back at their stories!

Yesterday we did our taxes, YUCK.. But the lady who did them was amazing!  She was so fun to work with!  We was in and out in less than an hour!  She gave us great news!  We have financial ways coming!!  So pumped up about that, as the stress left our body's, we get home and what do you know there is money in our mail box, in two different envelopes!  THEN, my sister goes to the Dr. and they tell her that her cancer is not in her blood!! AWESOME!!  It doesn't matter the problem, God is in control! 

Our blessings yesterday gave us HOPE for today!  God knows our desires and maybe that is why we are not succeeding in what we think today should be..  We have what we need.  I have wanted to be a stay at home mom for a couple of years now.  This last year I missed things with my girls at school, because I was cleaning someones house?? What in the world??  This is where it comes into play for me that I will not conform the ways of this world.  I want us to be able to pay our bills, eat, and to have a little to enjoy time with each other and with those we love and to be able to help those God puts in our path like some have helped us.. that is it!! We don't care to be rich, we just want to know things are taking care of.  I will start school in March, then what?  Well God must have great things since I do not have a job today!  God knows that March is in one month!!!  I stress because I don't have a job today and am not helping financially.  But I know God KNOWS why!!  Once I start in March, I will be taking more classes for the next two years as I am working as a Physical Therapy Tech to become an Assistant.  So thank you God for giving me this 3-4 month break, to enjoy my family and to be growing in you more for the next step in my life, if that is what you are doing!  I know the road you have ahead of me is going to be trying, but I know that You are the power of all the blessings in our lives!

God works for those who love Him!  It does not matter the problem... God is in control every minute of my life!  He knows what is best for my husband, my self, and for my children!

 In this song "My Own Little World" Matthew West say's it best for my heart today!


What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now?
Outside my own little world oooh

What is wrong today, will be a BLESSING tomorrow, if you just trust in God so He can show His POWER!  I trust in God today more than ever in my life.  All He is doing is making me fall in love with Him more!   By you BLESSING someone around you, you are giving HOPE to them.  I want to be a BLESSING!

All Consuming Fire - Melissa Edwards CLICK FOR SONG!

Ashes For Beauty

At The Foot Of The Cross, where Grace And Suffering Meet. You Have Shown Me Your Love. Through the Judgment You received and You've Won My Heart, yes You've Won My Heart. Now I Cantrade These Ashes In For Beauty and Wear Forgiveness Like A Crown, coming To Kiss The Feet Of Mercy I Lay Every Burden Down at The Foot Of The Cross.  AS I WRITE THIS I WANT THIS TO BE MY REMINDER OF HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO PRAISE HIM.  TO ALWAYS KEEP THIS GARMENT ON.    Today as I hear that song it means so much to me.  When you are flat on the floor with your troubles coming up out of you and away from you as you are asking for Gods touch, something happens.  You become beautiful in Him.  I want to have Joy again.. I want to be happy.  I am learning the more I praise Him, the happier I become!  I have this new habit right now, I speak God's Gracious hands on everyone and everything around me.  I stopped asking for specific things.  I ask His Gracious hands my husband, our children, our finances, and myself.  I ask that of their schools, of our travels, of our extended families, I ask that of Him all day long.. I feel that I am letting His will be done and not mine by asking that.  I know the things we are going through is apart of his plan!  I can't wait to be in the moment of "awe", when we understand some things, but for now I stand excited and not worrying about tomorrow.

Matthew 6:34  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

The Devil wants to turn your thoughts to ashes.  So you turn negative.  He wants to bring you sorrow.  The word of God will come to you and you will see things differently.  HE WILL TURN THOSE ASHES INTO BEAUTY!  I feel I was getting so negative, because of all of the ash we have became.  The word of God is my best friend these days.  I am loving the studies, that I have had to do through this past year.  I say had, because I know I will never be good at handling things in life without it.  If there is a cheat sheet I want it, and that is what His word has been to me!
People don't really like to clean out their fireplace, because the ash get all over you and they are yucky.  GET RID OF THEM!  I don't want them on me.  I want to be someone someday.. If I am covered in ash and doing nothing about them myself, no one is going to come clean me off.Heaviness means to dim the light.  He wants to darken your light with God.  YOU HAVE TO PUT THE GARMENT OF PRAISE ON!You are going to have to TAKE the garment and put it on yourself!  He is not going to put it on you.  YOU have to!!  I did pray over this past year for God to bring me Joy.  When I think about it I want to slap myself.  First of all, we have to realize we NEED Jesus.   Happiness depends on HAPPENINGS, but joy depends on JESUS.Some times we don't realize who has our back. Adore Him because He is Christ the Lord and He will make us triumphant! Isaiah 9:6-7 We have to realize we need Jesus! Matthew 9:12-13 Praise and worship is a COMMAND!  FEAR NOT  Pray and worship Him.  Today I thank Him for the freedom of worship! 
 

Let it Be Carried Along By the Wind!

Yesterday and today have been very strange for me.  I am not sure what I feel.  I kinda am lost as to what is happening to me and around me lately.  My sister (Christy) had a spot on her face removed Monday (3 days ago).  The Dr. called her yesterday to let her know it was cancerous.  When I got the call from my Momma, the big sister kicked in and I wanted to run to her house.  I have always felt the need to take the pain away from my sister and brother.  I have this motherly feel, like I should be able to fix their problems.  As I waited for my sister to call, to tell me herself, I cried and was trying to be cool and calm for when she did call.  I was just that, but inside I was the mess I usually am. 

Our family has been through so much this year.  Each of us has had our own ups and downs.  So tonight I set and my mind wonders.  When we pray, should we be asking for direct things? I know the bible says "ask and you shall receive"  "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." ( Matthew 7:7)  But I have asked, seeked, and knocked...  So loud and so hard... I feel God doesn't hear me.  I know he does and that he is drawing me closer to him, but it hurts.  It really hurts.  God knows the plan for our lives, so should we ask?  See my mind goes that way, then it says stop asking and thank Him for his Gracious Hands that are on us and on everything we have on this Earth.  He will not put us in the path of something that will change our destiny that He has already planned out.  Or at least I don't think He would.  So why ask to change it?


Hope is so far in between the good and bad days for us lately.  What are we doing wrong in His eyes?  What am I doing wrong?  I told myself I was going to stop trying to figure out all of this mess in me and keep living one day at a time like He has told me to. “Don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time” (Matthew 6:34).

For Christmas I got this cross from my parents.  It has all of this spiritual quotes coming out of it.  This is how I feel every day.. Like I am standing here and I have a hundred Godly quotes floating around me.  It is exhausting not knowing which one to pick from to live by..    Walk by faith, not by sight. (sight is that bills are due, past due and the money isn't there.)  How can I walk by faith when it is proven to not be taken care of?  I have been looking for a job for over a month now.. sight is that it is not there for me.  Kelley has been told he would be moved to days where he can make more... sight is, he is still on nights.  I am just so confused.. We walked by faith moving to Oklahoma.  We wasn't making it in Texas , because Kelley lost his job and unemployment was a joke, so it wouldn't of mattered if we stayed or not.  So saying we should of stayed is just as stupid as saying we should of left.  I know God is taking care of us, we haven't went without food or a warm house.  It is just emotionally draining not having enough for the world.  We are doing the best we can. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

After yesterday finding this out about my sister, I do not want advice from people.. That may sound rude, but I WANT SCRIPTURES.. I want to hear from God.  Some of the things people have said to Kelley and I have hurt us.  I am taking all these hurts as a lesson from God because I have said these things to others thinking I was helping, when really I was putting salt on others wounds.  This past year I have held my Bible as the only way through this, some may question me and judge, that is ok, I am sure God has a plan just for you.  For me I will keep searching this book I have learned to love.  To me scriptures tell me this is what we should of done.  We would not of moved if we did not feel God was behind it.  Sometimes you face difficulty, not because your doing something wrong, but because your doing something right.

 We have Prayed (asked), Search for His words (seeked),  Believed (knocked), and Walked by faith. We are not anchored to this world, so God is going to take us which ever way he wants to blow the wind!  And I am believing that His Gracious hands are on my sister as well as our family. Acts 27:15 It hit the ship, and since it was impossible to keep the ship headed into the wind, we gave up trying and let it be carried along by the wind.

The Past is the PAST!! So be it!

In September 2005, God freed me of past hurts that I had held onto in secret. One of those hurts that only a handful of people knows about, but life changing for yourself.  I met the best sister that weekend!  I remember when God freed me I was setting next to her and I said "did you feel that? I feel so free!"  Her and her husband became someone who I thanked God for regularly.  I love and miss her so much! Crazy red head! :)  That weekend I learned that looking back and saying I should of, why didn't I, what if.. gets you no where to where God wants you to be TODAY! As my Momma says "Can you change it? NO.. Then why waste your time on it?"  We can't look back and dwell on poor us we shouldn't of, what if... We can't change what we did or what happen to us.

Job 6:7  Everything in me is repulsed by it-it makes me sick. Pressed Past the Limits
We can change this moment! I learned that what happen to me became a message!  I used it in full force for a couple of years when I was actively doing what I love, working with teens!  The past is put in our lives as a learning tool!  We are to learn from it, so we know that split in the road in the future, to share how God helped us through it, not how miserable we were and how they can feel good if they just crawl in a hole.  Our mess is our message, so how you handle your mess is important!

Proverbs 18:18 You may have to draw straws when faced with a tough decision.

Now should we have? YES, we should have!  Since February of last year we have felt God was telling us there was more to what we knew..  We both felt this longing to better ourselves for our family!  We have questioned since our move should we of done this? But today I ask why? Why even waste our thoughts on what Satin wants us to dwell on.  Today I woke up with the Armor of God and said YES!!! We are right where God wants us!  Our family has grown closer to God through this door that was opened for us!  We may be financially struggling, but yes I said an opened door!  If God didn't open it we would not be here.  God drew us closer to Him through this door!  Just where I have wanted to be for a long time!  When people say get on your knees and cry out, I always thought ok what good does that do?  It is FREEING! When i fall to my knees I feel like everything bad is coming up out of me.  I have learned to humble my self, more than just being humble enough to feed the homeless.  I have grown and know that the growing NEVER STOPS!

Our girls have struggled spiritually since our move.  We had a great Church in Pampa and they both learned the emotional connection you have with God and Jesus during worship and study.  We have been attending a Church here in town since we have been here, but there is just something missing.. Is it that Church just don't know what they are doing? Or is it we don't?  They do not have a strong youth program for Chelsea and have NO program for Kayla on Wednesday nights. Chelsea is a very strong spiritual child.  She doesn't feel that this youth group are emotionally attached to study and worship like she knows they should.  I have taught my children what a second mother to me once said.  "You close your eyes and forget those around you, it is just you with God on that stage!  You worship God the way you feel to do so."  This Wednesday she come home and told me that during worship no one worshiped but the older kids.  She said "I closed my eyes got into my spot and worshiped! I even wanted to jump up and down, but I held back."  So this open the door for me to share my worship experiences and how worship is not about anyone around you, it is about YOU AND GOD! Others will not look at you like "Oh my gosh, look at her I can not believe she is jumping up and down raising her hands." They look at you and it softens their heart and God might be working on them, they could be feeling their heart race thinking I wished i knew Jesus like Chelsea does!  We maybe the only Jesus some sees. When we hold back we have worry around us.  Whether we are worried about who is around us, what they are doing, or about how much money we have.  GOD DID NOT MAKE US LIKE THAT!  My children are growing in the Lord as Kelley and I am, as we thought we were all just stuck.   

Hebrews 6:19 It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God

I get distracted because I have something happen first thing in the morning as simple as finding out I am almost out of coffee.. And the worry begins for the day.. What are we going to do? What if? Should we of? This is all about living one day at a time!  We can't  live for the what if's! We have to  live for the today!  Our family IS RIGHT WHERE WE ARE TO BE FOR TODAY!  God is our strength!  God finds us at the bottom and brings us back up!  We are in His hands and have so much to be thankful for!  If we had to walk this road we are on to draw closer to Him and this was apart of His plan for us,  than shame on us, and Thank You Jesus.  We are with Him TODAY!! And today, I can't wait for TOMORROW!!

Job 40:5 I've talked too much, way too much. I'm ready to shut up and listen." God's Second Set of Questions I Want Straight Answers

Job 42:4 You told me, 'Listen, and let me do the talking. Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.'5 I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand-from my own eyes and ears!6 I'm sorry-forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor."

Job 42:12 God blessed Job's later life even more than his earlier life. He ended up with fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, one thousand teams of oxen, and one thousand donkeys.

Dear Restless Heart

I love this!! Dear restless heart, be still; don't fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.  Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God's own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile.
Dear restless heart, be brave; don't moan and sorrow so,
He hath a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.
Dear restless heart, repose upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and flower;
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power.
Dear restless heart, be still! Don't struggle to be free;
God's life is in your life, from Him you may not flee; Just pray, and pray, and pray, till you have faith to see. by Edith Willis Linn

Just Gotta Have Faith!

You know I took this statement my Pastor in Pampa said a few months ago to heart, "GOD HEARS YOU". 2011 our family has been through a life change that some have fallen completely down from. I have learned to LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME, TO WALK BY FAITH, TO BE STILL, TO HEAR HIM, most importantly to GIVE HIM CONTROL. All these things I have heard all my life, and I am still standing because He taught me those things, my knees are wobbly, but I have not fallen. Tonight my heart breaks for those hurting families who are in the same boat. God lets his people walk on water! He hears us! If he has given you a vision write it out! I have to be faithful in order to be joyful and triumphant!

Most of you know when I get started I can write a book... ;) we will not know why we go through what we go through in life until we get to that gate, but life is all a test!  It is our job to ask ourselves what can I change IN ME during this time.  My last days in Pampa were my closest days to God.  We have been covered by Angels through every step we have taken. In Feb. of 2011 when we heard Kelley may lose his job, we thought yeah right.. But if he does, than God is moving us on to better things.  In July 2 weeks after our amazing vacation in Red River, that became real and we still throught great things are coming! By November we both were FROG (FULLY RELYING ON GOD!)  I was screaming to God WHY? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? Kelley was the cool cat pointing out, it was OUT OF MY CONTROL.  Tonight, after hearing a sermon yesterday about writing down the vision God has given to us Habakkuk 2:3, Chelsea and I was praying asking for God to send us our vision so we could put it in writing.  We both did and even drew our soon to be new home.  10 Minutes later Kelley came home not knowing that today was a holiday at work and he didn't have to go!  10 minutes, after that, our realtor called and said that he had shown our house tonight. The people loved our house and was going home to go over numbers and to pray about the number they would call him in the morning with to make an offer.  I wasn't going to post this info on FB, but it has touched me so much tonight.  I have been praying for 5 months for the family who was going to buy our home.  I feel like I want to hug them and I don't even know them or even know if this is going to be the family who will end up making their own memories in our home.  See God hears us!  Kelley was supposed to be home tonight!  We have to keep on keeping on! Some days are harder than others, but then you get those Golden ones that touch your heart in such a way, you really only can learn from them!

Come all ye FAITHFUL, JOYFUL, AND TRIUMPHANT!  As on Shrek, Donkey sings "You just gotta have faith!"

Tis the Season to give? What does that mean?

Is Christmas all about giving and receiving presents? Or is it about Christmas trees and Santa Claus? Or is it about Jesus? or is it about Christians? Or is it about money? Or stress? Or about defending the stuff you were taught and believe?

Tis the Season to give? humm I have no money to give? I have no money to buy gifts?... Why?... I am upset, I love to give.. I have the perfect gifts picked out in this head of mines gift cart!!

Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the Lord your God which He has given you. Deuteronomy 16: 17

When i was a kid we made gifts! Momma worked on gifts all month! Our dinning room was a mess, till a week before Christmas! Then we had parties at our house and began going to both my grandparents houses to pile 50 people in one house and call it marry! LOL Tis the Season to have JOY!! What happen to that? As a kid I was as joyful as can be! Thought I was the luckiest kid in town going to school the first day, after our Winter break, wearing my new high water paints, my new necklace, new boots, and my pony tail on the the side! I look back and think, wow... what a nerd!! But I was joyful then!  

Luke 2: 10 Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.

11For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 

So do gifts bring JOY? Of course, are you crazy?  God is just laying it on my heart today that this Christmas when I open any gifts, I may receive, to STOP take it slow as if i was one of the Kings.

 Matthew 2:10-11   9-10Instructed by the king, they set off. Then the star appeared again, the same star they had seen in the eastern skies. It led them on until it hovered over the place of the child. They could hardly contain themselves: They were in the right place! They had arrived at the right time!  11They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they knelled and worshiped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh.

Christmas… that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance -- a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved  Augusta E. Rundel

Christmas for me is about my heart and what God wants me to be! Christmas is the Birth of Jesus and meant to be praised! The wii, Iphone, TV, toys, just the things we waste money on, putting stress onto ourselves wasn't even in existence when Jesus was born! Now the food, gold, candles, perfumes, and people were!!!  ha ha ;)

Hope everyone has a great month this month and don't get to worked up on just one day, Christmas is everyday!  God didn't make us to stress!

Who does God want you to be?

We praise you, LORD, for your great strength!
 We will sing and praise your power. Ps 21:13


  (We still have not a clue what God is doing as far as where we are to go. His work in our lives are more to count! Satin has tried to talk without being seen, we are Children of God and out smart him, because of the Words God has given us and because of His Son who died for us, for this storm we are in! Praises go up and out in Gods honor from the Dewey's! Our children will not see us fall, they will see how some day to handle life in a faithful way, how to be parents in Gods eyes and most importantly how to be a Wife of God. God hears our cries and knows our needs. He will not forget us! He has been placing things in a row, that we have not thought of for years but see His Glory in every moment of fret.  We are not to worry, because He did not make us like that.  This world has taught how to carry stress.  God did not create such a thing.   Letting go of such worldly things is the only way to move past and become who God wants us to be, the person you were born.. Starting over is remembering that first day of birth and all things were new and there were thousands of roads you were going to have to choice, the second starting over is so freeing in knowing you have experiences to know wrong from right and that with God it isn't just one way!  He gives His Children choices!) 

A year of Blogging gone bad!

I was wondering about this such thing called a blog I use to have! Got on and what do you know, the internet remembered me! :)  To catch up for the year I am going to post my notes from my Facebook page! I seem to write in my notes there instead of here.. I will start trying to do my best to stay on top of this, since we have moved to Oklahoma and life is changing so much.. The girls are growing up so fast!

One very full testimony! One of the biggest in my life!

In January, 2011 I was living with major back pain, cleaning 2 houses a day, just keeping on.  Dr.'s kept giving out pain meds. and saying my ex rays where fine.  I began Chiropractic care and found I was not fine. From the top to the bottom my spine was shifted to the left, pulling on my out of place hips. I had nerve damage all over.   I began the 3 times a week therapy, which was becoming emotionally draining for me.     Jan. 13, 2011 During my bible study Luke 13:11-13 stood out to me! "11and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God." I posted this on FB and a friend Charlene, posted on it and said "this is our scripture, lets hold on to it!" So I did!  A few weeks went by and she brought me a card with these scriptures with a woman standing in the middle of a wheat field raising her hands as high as she could! I put it on my bathroom mirror.       About two months ago we had a guest speaker visit our Church.  He spoke about healing.  That Sunday morning I went to the front.  He was asking of who had certain problems and then to break the ice he was telling of when he asked if people had something certain this man raised his hand and he said you have this?  The man said "No I have a hernia!" As he was telling this to make people laugh my hernia just on the edge of my ribs became hard.. I froze, looking around at everyone laughing as I wanted to scream "SOMETHING IS HAPPENING"!!! I wasn't prayed over personally that morning.  Sunday night I thought Ok, I am going and I am just going to set back and watch. I am going to check all of this healing stuff out and to see what in the world happens to me that morning.  I did just that.    Monday morning I woke up and began praying that God would show me when it was my families time to be healed!  Our Kayla has ADHD and we were sick of putting up with it.  Sick of meds. Sick of pain in my body.  I had talked to a friend who's son has ADHD as well and she said "We are going to ask for prayer for him tonight, because he had a Dr.'s appointment the next day!" So I took that as ok, April tonight is your night, Kayla's is coming!      As I was getting ready for Church that night I looked up and re-sighted my scriptures and went on! Kayla went on to Children's Church, worship was great, and guess what he opened with for his teachings? He said "Don't wait?" Then posted on the big screen........ yeap... Luke 13:11-13!!!! So I said "yes, Lord it is my night!" But he stopped after he read "the spirit was upon the lady" and said "People are you getting this? That is ADHD!" I jumped up like a mad woman and ran and got Kayla!  We went down front and I wanted him to pray over us.  We stood there for a bit as he was praying over the group as a whole.  Kelley said are your ready to go back to our seat?  I said "NO, I am not healed and I am not leaving the front of this Church until I am!" Kelley was like "OK??" LOL 5 seconds later he walked straight to us! I have never felt the way I did, being prayed for that night! It was the most amazing thing to be touched by the Spirit! After he prayed he said that he sensed the spirit of fear on me and spoke against it.     I was full of fear!  One fear was of car accidents. Due to one I was in when I was 15. Well a few days after this night of prayer, my sister calls me at 7:45 that morning.  "April, go find Kendra she was in a wreck, she is somewhere on Hobart St..." I didn't know where, but I jumped in my car and was just driving! I found her and ran out of my car right up in the middle of it all like I was a police officer! When I got back into my car and I had realized what I just did, I had to apologize because that wreak meant nothing for Kendra, it was my test!     A month later I am down to going to the Chiropractor once a month like normal people, my pain is very low and that is only very seldom! Kayla has not been on any meds. for her ADHD since!!       God was preparing me! For what??? Well, Monday (May 23rd - the 25th) I was getting so emotionally connected to my TV... Yes, my TV! I would watch about the Joplin Tornado and cry my eyes out.  While I was working I had the Weather Channel on crying like a baby. Well that Wednesday the 25th I was thinking of how nice it would be, to be able to go there and help in some way.  But yeah, right. Or at least that is what I thought!!!     So that afternoon while on lunch I saw a friend post on FB that they needed someone to drive a U-Haul truck to Joplin full of supplies! I had just wrote on there that I wished I could.  Within minutes I was on the phone with her getting details!  She said "Why can't you April?" It was money.  We have had struggles of our own and this past month has been very hard for us. She said "Pray about it and I'll pray and if you are suppose to go God will make it happen!"     So I posted on FB and sent a few text asking for prayer for guidance and for financial ways to make this happen! Remind you I had not talked with Kelley AT ALL!!!  I called Kelley's mom, who said if you go I'll keep the girls! I called my mom, I think I called everyone! I had things in order before talking to Kelley! LOL  Another God thing is that Kelley had a 4 day weekend!! So 3:30 came and he had just got home! I ran in the house and said "Kelley, would you like to go to Joplin?" He was not to on top of it and as joyful as I as he was about to tell me what plans he had for this weekend, since it would add more to our finances. We talked about it, prayed and thought ok we will just call this man and get the details!      I did and he said "All the fiances have been taking care of girl, lets go!" I know I was glowing from head to toe!! I could feel it! So 2 days later we were heading out!  Remember my fears that our guest speaker sensed on me?  They where wreaks, BIG TRUCKS, AND TORNADO'S!!!!! Since I had had my experiences with them all 3 as a child............. I have never wanted anything to do with any of them!!! (It really touches me to be here today writing this out!) We are so blessed! I rode in the biggest truck I've been in since our wreak, I went smack dab in the middle of tornado destruction... I was able to be there for a friend during her wreak!! I DID IT!! God really took my fears!  I have no fears and learned I have no control!  Which is something I've been fighting for years!  When we left Friday we didn't know where we was going, what we were doing, or even where we were sleeping.. We took our tents, thinking that if we had to we could just sleep in it! Even thought at one time that we were going to have to sleep in the back of the truck after we unloaded it! All my control was gone and we just let God lead us and it was amazing!     With every little glitch in our trip (NO AC, Not all finances where taken care of, gas gauge didn't work correctly, and smallest things like that), it was amazing to get to do what God called us to do!  He was with us with every drop of sweat we had, every meal we ate, down to every guest of wind we went through on the way home! I could go on and on!  Thank you all for your donations, prayers, and support!  We were very blessed before this tornado even hit, by having our two girls, friends and family like you, a home, a Church, and food! That is why God called us!  He tested me to the max and he used all of you to help make my testimony today!  Thank you! Keep praying for us, because I still feel the need for us to do more!  Again not knowing what, when, or how but there is that feeling still burning inside of me!