College Mom!

     Sixteen years ago I was so proud to be walking across the stage of the high school gym receiving my diploma for I wasn't sure what the future held, I just knew I was so blessed to have made it past the last four years. I wanted to find true love, have babies, and have a home of my own.  In my mind finding my love would be my future. For as young as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher!  I played school so much as a kid.  My grandparents were my best students!  I lost myself during my teen years.  I had to grow up fast once I turned 16.  I thought I held so much control of my life.
     College was something I thought only the smart kids did.  I knew my parents didn't go to college and we lived!  It wasn't until 2010, twelve years into my marriage and two children later when life hit us in a terrible way, that I then found out first hand how hard life was for my parents.  It was then when I realized that college was survival.  Kelley (my husband) worked for the prison for eleven years.  People were losing jobs, due to the economy.  In our minds, there would always be prisoners, there was no way his job would be at risk.  Kelley was the manager of the warehouse for the boot factory, where the inmates worked making boots.  The state thought it would be cheaper for them to buy boots from China, than it was to have a up running boot factory.  Kelley was laid off September 1st, 2010.  All we had ever known was gone.  Our security of health and life insurance, and retirement was gone.
     After putting our house up for sale and moving our family, five hours away for a year, our house didn't sale.  With two fallen through contracts we had enough.  So back to our home we came.  God gave us life lessons and I am not going to ever forget what they where.  Family is the most important thing to me.  No job should ever take away from what our family has created.  Our marriage was based on a family, not our income.  Having no college degree Kelley had to work nights, our kids only got to see him for about 4 hours during the week.  It made us all so sad.  I put my foot down and said "Nothing is worth time spent away from our family." With my heartbroken I knew that we had to come back to Pampa.  I never want my life in the hands of money again.  I will stand on my life's favorite scripture:

2 Corinthians 5:7

⁷ For we live by faith, not by sight.

     Two weeks ago I started my freshman year in college!! (Man that sounds so strange!) I am a mother of THREE... I am a WIFE... And  I am loving it!  I have a plan to one day have someone help clean my house, like I have helped so many do in the past eight years.  2018 will be another proud moment in my life as I walk across another stage!  This time I will have my wonderful kids watching.  I want them to know that college isn't an option.  It is the way of life and that I did it with their help!

     I have had 13 assignments, 2 quizzes, 1 project, and 1 paper already due this first 2 weeks.  Guess what?  All have been 100's except for a quiz that I made a 93 on!! I AM DOING THIS!! Better than I have ever imagined doing! Never give up!  I thought I was to old.. Nope, I am just wiser!  Time marches on, but you never lose what your mind can do!  I will be blogging a lot about my experiences, I never want to forget how special my family have been walking next to me on this road. 

How I love you!

     You hear your baby cry.  You know, that is a hurt cry... a sleepy cry.... a "I want" cry... As mothers our job is to learn our babies.  To meet their every need. You learn their likes, dislikes, bed times, eating times, all of this you do with your baby.  You both learn. They in return learn you.  They learn their bedroom.  Their home.. Their toys.. Love.. God's peace. Their safe spot in this world. 

     I don't want to write to many details in what is going on in our life, but I do want to speak our love for our sweet Adrian and his for us.  The other night he threw up in his bed.  Kelley held him as I changed the bed.  The whole time Adrian was reaching for me, crying.. All he wanted was his momma.  I laid with him until he feel asleep.  Tears fell down my face.. What would he do without me.  Without his momma.  We all know there are times as a kid and as an adult that you just want your momma.  Sure he could grow that with his biological mother.  We want that.. just not in a way of stripping him from his only safe place.

     Adrian started speech therapy this month.  He tested at an 11 month old level, he is now 17 months.  We want to help him in anyway we can.  We do not want him to be interrupted with big life changes as his little mind is learning thousands of new things a day. We do not want a back and forth, from this house to that house, life for him.. He is doing so great with his family he has grown to love.  He has changed from a baby who was pale, limp, with sores all over his body to full of life, the happiest any parent could wish for their child.

     We never want Adrian or both of our girls to grow up with a hole in their heart.  To be a parent it means to put yourself below others.  We will fight! We are parents, God called us to be!  In a perfect world Adrian would have all of those who love him available in his life without the threat to his happiness.

     Adrian, I love it when you get one of your favorite snacks and your face lights up!  I love when you grab my finger and take me to where you want to go.  I love folding your clothes, such a blessing.  I love the way you say "My Momma"!  I love that you need me and your daddy.  I love how you run to the door when we say "Daddy's home!"  I love how you reach to kiss your sisters all of the time.  I love to watch you dance.  I love to watch you sleep in my arms.  I love when you pass gas, you find it so funny at times, yet embarrassing at other times.  I love everything about you! You smile...

     No mater what our road together comes to, I want you to know that you are so loved.  You have a momma, a daddy, and two sisters that will always greet you with open arms.  You are our baby!  Our love for you the first day we meet you was something that I nor your Daddy could ever explain.  Walk on baby boy! Always keep your head up high and know you are better than anything that comes within your path.  Keep that strong will you have and use it to be wonderful! Be all you can be!  Love God with all of your heart and you will grow into a great husband and daddy your self one day!