Let it Be Carried Along By the Wind!

Yesterday and today have been very strange for me.  I am not sure what I feel.  I kinda am lost as to what is happening to me and around me lately.  My sister (Christy) had a spot on her face removed Monday (3 days ago).  The Dr. called her yesterday to let her know it was cancerous.  When I got the call from my Momma, the big sister kicked in and I wanted to run to her house.  I have always felt the need to take the pain away from my sister and brother.  I have this motherly feel, like I should be able to fix their problems.  As I waited for my sister to call, to tell me herself, I cried and was trying to be cool and calm for when she did call.  I was just that, but inside I was the mess I usually am. 

Our family has been through so much this year.  Each of us has had our own ups and downs.  So tonight I set and my mind wonders.  When we pray, should we be asking for direct things? I know the bible says "ask and you shall receive"  "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." ( Matthew 7:7)  But I have asked, seeked, and knocked...  So loud and so hard... I feel God doesn't hear me.  I know he does and that he is drawing me closer to him, but it hurts.  It really hurts.  God knows the plan for our lives, so should we ask?  See my mind goes that way, then it says stop asking and thank Him for his Gracious Hands that are on us and on everything we have on this Earth.  He will not put us in the path of something that will change our destiny that He has already planned out.  Or at least I don't think He would.  So why ask to change it?


Hope is so far in between the good and bad days for us lately.  What are we doing wrong in His eyes?  What am I doing wrong?  I told myself I was going to stop trying to figure out all of this mess in me and keep living one day at a time like He has told me to. “Don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time” (Matthew 6:34).

For Christmas I got this cross from my parents.  It has all of this spiritual quotes coming out of it.  This is how I feel every day.. Like I am standing here and I have a hundred Godly quotes floating around me.  It is exhausting not knowing which one to pick from to live by..    Walk by faith, not by sight. (sight is that bills are due, past due and the money isn't there.)  How can I walk by faith when it is proven to not be taken care of?  I have been looking for a job for over a month now.. sight is that it is not there for me.  Kelley has been told he would be moved to days where he can make more... sight is, he is still on nights.  I am just so confused.. We walked by faith moving to Oklahoma.  We wasn't making it in Texas , because Kelley lost his job and unemployment was a joke, so it wouldn't of mattered if we stayed or not.  So saying we should of stayed is just as stupid as saying we should of left.  I know God is taking care of us, we haven't went without food or a warm house.  It is just emotionally draining not having enough for the world.  We are doing the best we can. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

After yesterday finding this out about my sister, I do not want advice from people.. That may sound rude, but I WANT SCRIPTURES.. I want to hear from God.  Some of the things people have said to Kelley and I have hurt us.  I am taking all these hurts as a lesson from God because I have said these things to others thinking I was helping, when really I was putting salt on others wounds.  This past year I have held my Bible as the only way through this, some may question me and judge, that is ok, I am sure God has a plan just for you.  For me I will keep searching this book I have learned to love.  To me scriptures tell me this is what we should of done.  We would not of moved if we did not feel God was behind it.  Sometimes you face difficulty, not because your doing something wrong, but because your doing something right.

 We have Prayed (asked), Search for His words (seeked),  Believed (knocked), and Walked by faith. We are not anchored to this world, so God is going to take us which ever way he wants to blow the wind!  And I am believing that His Gracious hands are on my sister as well as our family. Acts 27:15 It hit the ship, and since it was impossible to keep the ship headed into the wind, we gave up trying and let it be carried along by the wind.