The Past is the PAST!! So be it!

In September 2005, God freed me of past hurts that I had held onto in secret. One of those hurts that only a handful of people knows about, but life changing for yourself.  I met the best sister that weekend!  I remember when God freed me I was setting next to her and I said "did you feel that? I feel so free!"  Her and her husband became someone who I thanked God for regularly.  I love and miss her so much! Crazy red head! :)  That weekend I learned that looking back and saying I should of, why didn't I, what if.. gets you no where to where God wants you to be TODAY! As my Momma says "Can you change it? NO.. Then why waste your time on it?"  We can't look back and dwell on poor us we shouldn't of, what if... We can't change what we did or what happen to us.

Job 6:7  Everything in me is repulsed by it-it makes me sick. Pressed Past the Limits
We can change this moment! I learned that what happen to me became a message!  I used it in full force for a couple of years when I was actively doing what I love, working with teens!  The past is put in our lives as a learning tool!  We are to learn from it, so we know that split in the road in the future, to share how God helped us through it, not how miserable we were and how they can feel good if they just crawl in a hole.  Our mess is our message, so how you handle your mess is important!

Proverbs 18:18 You may have to draw straws when faced with a tough decision.

Now should we have? YES, we should have!  Since February of last year we have felt God was telling us there was more to what we knew..  We both felt this longing to better ourselves for our family!  We have questioned since our move should we of done this? But today I ask why? Why even waste our thoughts on what Satin wants us to dwell on.  Today I woke up with the Armor of God and said YES!!! We are right where God wants us!  Our family has grown closer to God through this door that was opened for us!  We may be financially struggling, but yes I said an opened door!  If God didn't open it we would not be here.  God drew us closer to Him through this door!  Just where I have wanted to be for a long time!  When people say get on your knees and cry out, I always thought ok what good does that do?  It is FREEING! When i fall to my knees I feel like everything bad is coming up out of me.  I have learned to humble my self, more than just being humble enough to feed the homeless.  I have grown and know that the growing NEVER STOPS!

Our girls have struggled spiritually since our move.  We had a great Church in Pampa and they both learned the emotional connection you have with God and Jesus during worship and study.  We have been attending a Church here in town since we have been here, but there is just something missing.. Is it that Church just don't know what they are doing? Or is it we don't?  They do not have a strong youth program for Chelsea and have NO program for Kayla on Wednesday nights. Chelsea is a very strong spiritual child.  She doesn't feel that this youth group are emotionally attached to study and worship like she knows they should.  I have taught my children what a second mother to me once said.  "You close your eyes and forget those around you, it is just you with God on that stage!  You worship God the way you feel to do so."  This Wednesday she come home and told me that during worship no one worshiped but the older kids.  She said "I closed my eyes got into my spot and worshiped! I even wanted to jump up and down, but I held back."  So this open the door for me to share my worship experiences and how worship is not about anyone around you, it is about YOU AND GOD! Others will not look at you like "Oh my gosh, look at her I can not believe she is jumping up and down raising her hands." They look at you and it softens their heart and God might be working on them, they could be feeling their heart race thinking I wished i knew Jesus like Chelsea does!  We maybe the only Jesus some sees. When we hold back we have worry around us.  Whether we are worried about who is around us, what they are doing, or about how much money we have.  GOD DID NOT MAKE US LIKE THAT!  My children are growing in the Lord as Kelley and I am, as we thought we were all just stuck.   

Hebrews 6:19 It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God

I get distracted because I have something happen first thing in the morning as simple as finding out I am almost out of coffee.. And the worry begins for the day.. What are we going to do? What if? Should we of? This is all about living one day at a time!  We can't  live for the what if's! We have to  live for the today!  Our family IS RIGHT WHERE WE ARE TO BE FOR TODAY!  God is our strength!  God finds us at the bottom and brings us back up!  We are in His hands and have so much to be thankful for!  If we had to walk this road we are on to draw closer to Him and this was apart of His plan for us,  than shame on us, and Thank You Jesus.  We are with Him TODAY!! And today, I can't wait for TOMORROW!!

Job 40:5 I've talked too much, way too much. I'm ready to shut up and listen." God's Second Set of Questions I Want Straight Answers

Job 42:4 You told me, 'Listen, and let me do the talking. Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.'5 I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand-from my own eyes and ears!6 I'm sorry-forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor."

Job 42:12 God blessed Job's later life even more than his earlier life. He ended up with fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, one thousand teams of oxen, and one thousand donkeys.